I’m surprised at how OK I am today. Maybe it’s because I have a little ball of laughter who wants extra snuggles today…I don’t know. But I’m OK. Thanks for everyone who has emailed and called to let us know you’re thinking about us today. It means so much. I miss Jorai. I really, miss her every day and this day is just another day…but it’s not…and this is hard to describe, but I’m glad it feels like just another day to me this year. Is that wrong?
I guess what I’m saying is, last night I could feel myself being transported back to that hospital bed. The noises and smells and regrets. The coldness and silence and gut retching sorrow…but then I prayed. I prayed hard. I prayed for those thoughts melt away, but mostly I prayed for my friends little boy who in the hospital right because his heart is racing too face, and I prayed for friends and pastors and family and health…I prayed and prayed…and then fell asleep, to wake feeling joy. Well, at first sleepy..but then joy because I could hear Asher in his room talking and laughing and then when I went in to nurse him, he was all smiles and snuggles.
I do remember Jorai’s birth today and I honor her all too short life and our all too short time together here on earth. And I’m looking forward to going to dinner tonight with Steve and Asher to celebrate her life and how she continues to touch our lives and others lives even though she’s not physically here anymore…But I’m not sad…at least not right now.
I had this beautiful little girl grace my life for 7 dream filled months. I got to look at and touch and hold and kiss her before she was taken away. She continues to be a part of my life every day. And today, I don’t feel sad, but rather blessed to have known her. I feel blessed to have such an amazing daughter. I feel blessed knowing that one day, we will be reunited again. And that will be amazing.
Happy Birthday my sweet. I’ll be thinking of you and wishing you were here all day and every day. We miss you and love you and can’t wait to be Home with you, when it’s time to come. Big hugs and kisses galore my sweet.